Zooming with the Aces #8, August 18, 2022

Zoomers – 8/18/22

Fred Elder convened the session and introduced the topic of A Significant Person in Your Life.  Ten classmates participated.  Mick Sullivan was a new participant.  He introduced himself later in the discussion.

Row 1, left to right: Dan Tontz, Fred Elder, David Robinson. Row 2: Glenna Stearman Park, Skip Granger, Calvin Ross. Row 3: Diane Rusch Zinn, Lee Ayres, Barbara Hammond. Row 4: Mick Sullivan.

Although the comments from each of the Zoomers are stated in the first person, these are not exact transcriptions. Please let us know if corrections are needed.

Skip Granger, Sun Lakes, AZ   We have a close family and they have been instrumental in my life, especially of late.  I’ll give you an example. We just got back from Cottonwood and in two weeks we’re off to Sedona, and I couldn’t begin to do those things without my wife.  Mary Ann has been instrumental in the planning and execution of those trips.  I feel like I lost some of my faculties when I turned 80. I’ve always been involved in doing lots of deals in my life, but now I question my memory and ability to deal, so I trust my family.  My son-in-law is very good at real estate, and my son Trey is also very skilled.  We have family get-togethers when we’re doing something big.  For instance, when we were putting an offer in on a house, we had a family get-together long distance and Trey wrote up the offer.  When we sold a house in Marin County in November, I didn’t always remember all the details.  I  tend to get cranky, and the realtor there pulled a fast one and tried to increase his commission at the last minute.  As an attorney, I was fairly upset and I yelled at him.  I wouldn’t have done that in an earlier time. Thankfully, my family members have been there to support me.  Those of you who saw my 80th video saw my best friend Russell Kent, who is 50 and he helps me with a lot of decisions.  Tomorrow afternoon I get together with my psychologist Stephanie. I call her my psychiatrist, and she can’t tell anything I say.  I confide in her and tell her a lot of things.  I don’t pay her because Medicare pays her.  She likes Starry Night wine, so I give her wine and she gives me advice. And those are the people who have been giving me help lately.

Dan Tontz, Dallas, TX. I’m not sure how long I’ll last, because this morning I discovered I have COVID.  After 2 1/2 years of being careful, wearing a mask when no one else was, somehow it got me.  Last night, I had a lot of coughing. I have had asthma since I was a little kid and used my rescue inhaler four times last night. Anyway, it kept me alive.  First thing this morning, guess who I called? My doctor, who’s been my medical advisor for 2o+ years.  She’s very short and thin, was born and trained in Pakistan, then came here.  She’s one of the best. She has these little bony fingers that she shakes at me and says, “Mr. Tontz, don’t ever do that again,” or “Mr. Tontz, don’t forget.”  She has a big loud voice, is very smart, is a motivator, and I can remember what she says.  When I called her today, she gave me eight instructions; she’s very organized.  The other thing is quick access.  I can always call her.  I called at 8 this morning, and she called me back in 45 minutes.  That’s really astounding.  Typically, if I wake up some morning and am feeling really sick,  I will call and talk to her medical assistant and she will relay to the doctor.  I  come in at 2 or 3 o’clock without having had a previous appointment.  I talk to other people and not everyone can say this sort of thing.  I don’t abuse this and I don’t see her very often, but she’s a delightful person and she’s my special person.

Mick Sullivan, Zooming from California. Mick introduced himself as a new visitor to the Zoom sessions.  My dad was in the airplane business. After we landed on the moon, my family moved to California. I had completed two years at WSU and went on to graduate after two years at Long Beach U, followed by Dental School at Loyola in Chicago. I was a dentist and have two dental buildings that I use right now.  One of them has a physical therapist and two dentists. The other building I have is on a corner and has three cats living in it.  But I also have a farm, back in Kansas, a wheat farm, 450 acres, outside of Wichita. My brother Rick and I bought a cattle ranch outside of Colorado Springs, so all that keeps me busy. I live in Kansas now.

Barb Hammond, Wichita, KS. First, I’ll explain the bruise on my face –  You should see the other guy.  Actually, this looks better than a week ago when I had cataract surgery.  I have two special persons in my life, my daughters Melissa, who lives in Wichita, and Jesse, who lives in Maine.  I had told them I was going to throw a party for my 80th birthday, which was in April.  They took over for me and moved it to June because my younger daughter Jesse couldn’t get  vacation time until then.  So she came to Wichita with her family and we had a lovely party.  I helped with the planning.  It was at the Girl Scout Little House, also known as the Fresh Air Baby Camp.  The forecast for June 20 was  over 90, but it turned out to be a balmy 70’s day.  We had a tea party/garden party theme so many of the ladies wore their big hats.  I meant to have mine on today.  I love what Melissa and Jesse did for me. 

Speaking of Jesse, she and my grandson Gus just adopted two black Labs from a rescue shelter, Milk Hill Rescue in Arkansas.  These dogs had been in the shelter for seven years since they were puppies.  They have a lot of anxiety issues; particularly one of them that can’t be left alone in the house. Since no one was available to live in their house and dog-sit for two weeks,  they drove here with the two dogs, 1700 miles each way.  It was a biggie, but they made it.  Jesse is a strong, strong woman and she pulled it off. 

We had a lot of fun while they were here.  We don’t see each other very often and I’ve seen them briefly last summer when I went to Maine for her birthday. One last travel-related comment –  I am wishing I could go and spend time with them, but my elderly cat is blind and he requires a lot of care, so I’m stuck at home.  It’s kind of like being in that sandwich generation where your parents are still alive and you’re taking care of them and everyone else.

Glenna Stearman Park, Montgomery Village, Maryland. I have had a lot of really important influences in my life, but the most consistent one is my sister Suzanne, who is eight years older than I am. When my freshman grades at WU were dismal, Suzanne plucked me out of WU and said, “You will be an artist. Where do you want to go to school?” I said University of Hawaii, but she said I would come to Philadelphia. She did my interview with the art school faculty for me. They decided to accept me as a challenge.  I must say that I worked my ass off. And I did not get weekends free, because my sister took over. She knew to get slides that I studied on weekends. Sometimes, we went to New York on the train so I could study at the museums. It was a crash course in art. At the break, I made the mistake of taking my nude drawings home. My mother was horrified and said I couldn’t go back to art school. I successfully argued that the semester was not over. A guy I was dating gave me a diamond. I didn’t agree to marry him, but the ring was pretty, so I accepted it. I was engaged for about six days. Back at school, I called my mom to say I was no longer engaged. She convinced me to wait to break engagement until I could do it personally. Suzanne helped me stash the diamond in a safe place. I finished the year and had a great time in art. I did very well and to my surprise received a scholarship for the next year. Unfortunately, I had to stay home due to a  family emergency. I got back into WU and continued in the Art Department. Met my husband, had kids, and moved to California where he was serving in the Air Force. 

My sister Suzanne, who had a PhD in genetics, kept talking to me about not wasting my brain. She threw money and opportunities my way, continuously driving art into my mind. We went to Europe together and saw marvelous art. I went to grad school in San Diego and earned a Master of Fine Arts. Now, Suzanne and I talk every day. About 20 years ago, she quit science and became a potter at a Harvard studio in Boston. I went to visit often, working with her, renting kilns, and making art together.  I paint and Suzanne makes things out of clay. Art is the main focus of my life.

David Robinson, Wichita, KS. My two best friends for 40 years are Becky and Tim. I met them at the same time in SF. The three of us became friends. Today, I will talk about Tim. He climbed the corporate ladder and eventually became national sales manager for Kimberly-Clark.  Once he told me I was the only one who ever made him cry. How did that happen? One day on the national news, I saw that a Kimberly-Clark plane had crashed in route from Atlanta to one of its mills in Wisconsin, and there were no survivors. Fearing that Tim was on the flight, I called his wife. I remember sitting on my bed and shaking with the phone in my hand. Nobody answered; nobody was home, so I left a message. Later, Tim told me that I was the only one of his many friends who called to see how he was. When he found out that my ex had left me, he called immediately and asked if I was OK and did I need anything – money or anything. And he would have given me whatever I needed. I know that I am very lucky to have him in my life. And Becky, too.

Calvin Ross, Johnson City, TN. My father in law, Frank Smith, influenced me more than anyone else. He was a pastor in the Christian Disciples of Christ church. Frank possessed a wonderful blend of deeply-anchored personal faith and the ability to extend empathy to anyone. He had an open-mindedness to new ideas, even those contrary to his devotions. A scholar, Frank earned his undergraduate and divinity degrees at Butler University in Indianapolis. A scholarly approach was his approach to scripture. A book of his sermons has been an excellent resource for me.

He was also a gifted communicator with wonderful turns of phrase. In addition to excellent sermons, his abilities as a pastor included a remarkable capacity for engaging others with accurate empathy. Whenever he was in conversation, he remembered details about that person’s life and was able to interact appropriately from his own experiences. He communicated insights into life in memorable ways. He knew how to use that insight to target a person’s issues. One of his adult children struggled with the “strictness” she encountered in growing up. Frank said, “We were imperfect parents trying to raise perfect children.” This is an example of his insight and succinctness.  Talking with another adult child who was going through a severe marital crisis and losing her self-confidence, he told her, “You are good. You are strong. You are wise.” That was gift that he gave to her that turned out to be pivotal for her in increasing her self-confidence and belief in herself.

Remarkably, he was able to blend a conservative approach to his Christian faith with a strong, inclusive attitude toward other perspectives. New York pastor Harry Emerson Fosdick said, “I am an evangelical liberal.” This was true of Frank also. H died five years ago at age 92. I have tried to pattern my pastoral care after Frank’s. Without his model to follow, I would have had a very different view of the church. I find the current church to be shallow and even abusive. For me, Frank made faith become real.

Lee Ayres, Fresno, CA.  The person that came to my mind as I listened to Glenna and Calvin was David Fletcher, an attorney and friend who gave me excellent advice. David grew up on the West Coast and after graduating from Stanford Law School, he settled down to practice law in Palo Alto. I was referred to David when I needed advice on putting together an auto center in Marin County. Finding David wasn’t easy, because nobody wanted to recommend an attorney to me. Attorneys were regarded as a last resort. David and I developed a lifetime friendship. I happened to contact him when he had just completed a sabbatical from his law firm. He had an extra office on Page Mill Road that he gave me to use along with a salary. At the time, this was a godsend for my family and me. David’s importance to me brings to mind Regis McKenna, who was an advisor to Apple when they were starting up. I asked McKenna for advice about starting a real estate firm. He said, “Well, just get the best advisors.” David Fletcher turned out to be one of those.  I learned that when you try to raise money for new business ventures, a critical factor is the trust of the attorneys and accountants that you work with.  First-rate advisors are invaluable in  the process. Years later, when I was winding up my 25 years in real estate on a pretty good note, just before the Great Recession hit, I called David for advice on making choices about what to do next. I knew I wanted to do some kind of service. I had five options. After reflecting, David said, “It doesn’t matter what you choose from my standpoint, just do it well.” That turned out to be a tall order, but I always valued his counsel and advice when I was working in real estate.  That advice stuck with me. Yesterday, I shared it with a grandchild.

Diane Rusch Zinn,  Lawrence, KS.  My paternal grandmother was a blessing in my life  She passed away in 1969.  She lived on north Broadway and raised farm animals.  I helped her take care of her chickens, ducks, sheep, and a cow.  I relish those memories. Every summer I spent two weeks with her, starting in grade school through my first year in college.  She was the manager of  the luggage department at Bucks.  She was a kind, helpful woman. Bucks had an enormous women’s lounge with a beautiful seating area. If she heard  a mother having trouble with a child, she would go to help calm the child down.  Grandmother Rusch and I took trips together to Colorado and to Oklahoma City. She helped raise two children in addition to my dad.  Now they would be called foster children.  She taught me how to cook a little, and was always welcoming to my boyfriends.  They loved her and her meals. 

She was very supportive of Dick and me. When I was pregnant with our first child, she came to Palo Alto on the train and took me to a department store (like Macy’s) to buy baby things. In Lawrence, she bought a washer and dryer for us so I didn’t have to go to the laundromat after working at the bank all week. Frequently she took the train to Lawrence  to stay with us then took our two  kids with her back to Wichita.   When we found a house in Lawrence, she provided the earnest money.  Her visits continued until 1967, when my  father passed away. Seeing us reminded her too much that my father was gone. She was a warm wonderful guiding light, totally accepting, a wonderful person to have in my life.

Mick Sullivan. I am in California visiting my family. My son Tim has worked at Disneyland for 25-26 years and has worked his way up in the hierarchy. He is doing well. My brother Rick and I also worked at Disneyland when we first moved to California. Tim has a son and a daughter. My daughter has two boys and lives in my brother Rick’s house. 

Fred Elder, Madison, WI.  Two people. First, an uncle who was very special to me. I spent summers at his farm/ranch east of Wichita, not far from Eureka. Not a thing one can do on a farm or ranch that I didn’t do – from riding horses, to bailing hay, to harvesting wheat. From my uncle I learned to work hard. I got up, went out, milked cows, worked, ate, worked, slept and then got up and did it all over again every day. If it was really hot, I could jump in the pond to cool off, but that was usually after 10:00 pm. He was a big, positive influence on my life.

My second strong influence was world-class thermodynamics professor Edward F. Obert who turned out to be my major professor at the University of Wisconsin.  I knew of him because of my interest in Thermodynamics before I entered the University of Wisconsin. When I was teaching as a low-life nothing at WSU, I applied for an NSF Science Faculty Fellowship, a one year grant to obtain additional education.  During the early phases of this process, I had contacted the University of Wisconsin, inquiring about their PhD program.  Instead of the large manila envelope filled with pre-printed materials which I received from every other university, I received a phone call.    I answered my phone and was promptly informed, “Professor Elder, this is Obert at the University of Wisconsin.”  I thought it was the call from some friend of mine who knew of my long time admiration of Professor Obert, so I responded, “Sure it is, who the hell is this?” He was completely unphased and said strongly, “Take out a yellow pad.” Then he started dictating, giving me almost two pages of notes.  Next he told me where in the NSF application to put those words and concluded by saying, “Call me when you receive the award.”  Then he promptly hung up.  He became my major professor at Wisconsin, where I began teaching while still a graduate student, and he also became quite a good friend and confidant.  He named me as his Personal Representative upon his death.

Following the personal stories, Fred opened the discussion for additional comments. 

• Fred encouraged attending the reunion and displayed the reservation forms.  We will have the reunion regardless of the number of registrations. September 1 registration would help, but registration will remain open.
• Skip noted that his current Sigma Nu News report contains pertinent information about help for Alzheimer victims and invited anyone interested to notify him so he could forward the newsletter to them. 
• Calvin appreciated that today’s topic helped him to focus more completely on the influence his father-in-law had on his life and ministry. 
• Glenna reported that Debbie Snyder Tucker is suffering from a severe case of Parkinson’s; they speak daily and Glenna updates Debbie on East news. 
• Skip said that he had talked recently with Jim Banks. Dan noted that he learned during a reunion discussion that Jim lived in the house where he (Dan) grew up. 
• Glenna noted that Jim helped complete a large tiled mural in Wichita. “He has a strong artistic streak especially in design.”