Zooming with the Aces #13: The New Year-2023

Fred Elder convened the Zoomers on January 26 at 2 p.m. Twelve participants joined the discussion of the New Year – memorable past New Years, resolutions for 2023, and plans for the future.

Participants:  Fred Elder, Tom Tatlock, Lee Ayres, Diane Rusch Zinn, Dan Tontz, Glenna Stearman Park, Skip Granger, Linda Soderberg McKay, Janice Bailey Collins, Marilyn Tompkins Bellert, and Perry Ann Porter

The text below is a summary, not a transcript. Let us know if your comments need to be revised.

Tom Tatlock, Appleton, WI: I have made plans. This year I will resume speaking on brain injury and people who are experiencing homelessness. I’ve arranged to make a Zoom presentation to a group of practitioners in Vermont and will be speaking to other groups around the country. I rejoined the YMCA and am enrolled in a Tai Chi class to improve my balance and will probably join some other classes for exercise. I also rejoined a book club  as well as an organization called BRAIN Fox Valley, a brain injury network. My son Scott, who lives in Alexandria, has invited me to visit Charleston, SC with him and his family. My other son will be returning from Japan to participate in a summer program in Georgetown, so I am looking forward to seeing more of him. I also have an unusual job in a store here at The Heritage where I live. My job is to go around and find the expiration dates on various food items. The dates are hard to find; they are cleverly hidden. I then take out-of-date goods off the shelves. Now I’m going to say something that will bring real skepticism to some of you. I have plans to write a story for the website, which I have been promising for some time. In fact, I have two stories sketched out in my mind.

(Background cheers from the editors)

Lee Ayres, Fresno, CA: In past years I have made resolutions. New Years Day has always been a great opportunity to restart, recalibrate. Now, we have to recalibrate every day. This year, Shelley and I resolved to put things in order around our house and to take care of loose ends. I have a strong sense that I have another chapter ahead of me, and I need to get my base organized.  We have been going to each room and deciding what is needed to put it in order. 

Here’s a request for Tom related to brain injuries and the homeless. I just heard from an attorney who is leading an initiative in California to improve medical care for mentally ill people. Do you have some material that I can share with him?

Tom responded: Yes, I can send information. Locally, I worked on a project that involved practitioners at agencies involved with drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, and homelessness. We taught them to administer a test that assessed the percentage of those with brain injury. They discovered that about 52% had brain injuries, not the 14% they had estimated. The impact was especially important for staff, who learned to make accommodations or interventions. For instance, they learned that patients were actually willing to cooperate in treatment if instructed in a quiet room instead of a noisy hallway where they were unable to process the information. 

Dan Tontz, Dallas, TX:  I have special memories of previous New Years. One was the ice storm of 1979 in Dallas, which occurred on New Year’s Eve. There was a lot of damage to cars, plus damage to the environment. My car was covered in ice so hard that the trunk hinge broke off when I tried to open it. New Year’s Eve in the year 2000 was also memorable. My friend who was a computer expert had made a lot of money programming many computers in preparation for Y2K. We went out to look at the moon at midnight and watched the fizzle of Y2K.  My personal goals for 2023 are first to stay alive and stay well. Secondly, I’m hoping to travel. And I have a public policy goal. That is to urge Congress to protect Social Security and Medicare, which are so essential for so many of us. And I will be living out my personal philosophy – “Every day is a winding road.”

Glenna Stearman Park, Montgomery MD: My memories are fairly limited;  I try to yank those out through the stories I write.  A major hope I have is I really want to see the Ukrainian war end.  I feel there is a lot we can do to help the people of Ukraine.  Calvin Ross’ brother-in-law is a missionary who is working in Ukraine. He takes food and medical supplies in and brings people back out. I want to personally support him because I know the money will not be spent on other things.

I also pay a lot of attention to the Iranian women who are fighting to protest dressing like nuns. It’s interesting because I read a book, The Wind in My Hair (by Masih Alinejad).  She’s often on TV commenting on the protests in Iran; she was a rebel at the age of five.  She grew up, was jailed for rioting, then escaped to London.  She met and married a journalist and now is living in New York and traveling on the East Coast to talk about the crisis in Iran.  Another good book is Reading Lolita in Tehran (by Azar Nifisi), which is about a group of college girls who secretly met with their professor to discuss politics, very much undercover.  The professor was arrested and jailed, but now lives in Washington, DC.

I have a journalist friend who is in Northern Europe somewhere now and is writing about the women who are being arrested in Iran.  He’s very knowledgeable about that.  His name is Micah Garen and some of you may remember he was arrested by the Iraqi military.  We saw him on CNN on his knees and they were ready to cut off his head.  It was pretty hysterical for our family, but he was released and he was eventually identified as a friend to the Iraqi people. His major interest was saving the artifacts that had been plundered from museums and monuments. From a helicopter he photographed people digging things up to take out of the country.  It’s quite astonishing because it looks like a cemetery where everyone’s been dug up.  There were wonderful art pieces in Iraq that have since been sold all over the world by thieves.

Skip Granger, Sun Lakes AZ:   Today is a special day for Mary Ann and me. It’s our granddaughter Zoe’s 12^th birthday. If  you saw my 80th birthday video, you might remember her talking about grandpa and his magic tricks.  I remember that on New Year’s Day, my mother’s friend Frances came over and always brought a can of sauerkraut. I hated it. Now, I love Reuben sandwiches. I also remember attending New Year’s conferences that were important to me, including the Unified Wine Symposium in Sacramento and, earlier, the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.  My family has always had a tradition of singing, and that was something we did at New Year’s. We still sing to people with birthdays.

Linda Soderberg McKay, St. Louis, MO: I’ll start with a New Year’s memory. When my husband Mike began working as an accountant, he had to work on New Year’s Eve. That’s when the liquor industry did its audits, which I always thought was fascinating timing. He never got home until after midnight.  I stayed at home with the kids, and when Mike got home, we had a New Year’s midnight dinner.  We never went out and he didn’t transition out of that for about a decade, but I think very few people work New Year’s Eve.

For my goals, I usually have three. This year, I have a major goal and a maybe goal.  I want to tackle technology and I’ve hired someone to help.  For those who’ve seen my email with “rcm.com,” my email when I was in Washington DC, I keep losing that email.  My computer tells me to send things to my printer, but then says I need a new printer.  So, technology is my major goal. My “maybe” goal is the same as Lee’s goal.  I seriously thought about moving this year, but then I realized I had to go through a lot of stuff. At that point I decided I’m not moving, but am focusing on trying to move some things out of my house. Then when I get ready to move, it won’t be so hard.  But that’s me.  In response to Fred’s question, Mike and I did celebrate New Year’s with champagne.

Marilyn Tompkins Bellert, Sycamore, IL:  I’ve been married to Gary for almost 16 years, and we often travel over New Year’s. He has had birthday parties in memorable places like the Galapagos Islands, Panama, Australia, and Patagonia. I will never forget the Galapagos birthday cake, which was covered in multiple shades of icky green frosting and decorated with frosting iguanas.

I have been thinking about 2023 and have two things in mind. First, I was really taken by a book Glenna recommended. She has written two stories about near-death experiences. The first will be published on the website tomorrow. The book is a guide to end-of-life planning, so you don’t leave a mess behind for your family. My first goal is to get started on that process. Secondly, I’m planning to continue traveling. While I can, I’m going! In 2023, we will spend May in France; part of July in the Arctic, hoping to see polar bears; and – fingers crossed – Egypt in November. Also, the brothers and I are organizing a family reunion in Overland Park in early August.

Perry Ann Porter, Poulsbo WA: Hello, everyone. I have a wonderful memory of New Years when I was a Peace Corps volunteer in the Philippines.  A group of  us went south when we had a week’s vacation.  We were all out by the bay, and suddenly these scuba divers came down to the beach with those big miner’s lights on their heads.  They went down under the water with all their lights shining and began playing a tag-type game.  Has anybody heard about this? No?  It was beautiful to watch the lights under the water.  They all went into formations of circles and squares and when they came out, it was the New Year.  And that’s their custom. They’ve done it for years.  For 2023, I’ve promised myself to do all my exercises all the time, downsize a little bit, and just get out and have more fun.  I’m doing good with the exercise; it’s helping.  I also hope to get back to swimming.

Diane Rusch Zinn, Lawrence, KS: We were never ones to go out on New Year’s Eve, mainly because we had too many children and it was too hard to find a baby-sitter. We certainly hosted a number of teen-age parties in our house on New Year’s Eve, none of which were disastrous, fortunately.  Usually we had 30-40 middle school kids, and they all behaved. One very different New Years we had was when we were still in California and we went to San Francisco to watch the Chinese New Year parade.  I don’t remember much except that it was colorful and exciting and I was glad to be able to do it.  My goals for this year are pretty pedestrian, but one thing I’m trying really hard to do is when I’m out running errands is to interact with the clerks. Whether it’s at the grocery store or elsewhere, I try to call them by name and chat briefly.  I’m doing a pretty good job of that.  I’m also promising myself that I will contact and visit four elderly ladies who have been friends in the past and whom I’ve neglected since Covid; I hope to spark my friendship with them again. Dick and I are trying to make travel plans for the year, but nowhere as extensive as Marilyn’s plans.  I’m also trying to consider what information about Dick’s and my lives needs to be preserved as stories for our children.  Certainly one thing that will go into that collection are the stories I’ve written for the website.  So that’s basically my plan for the year.

Fred Elder, Madison,WI: I had a first ever New Year’s Eve experience this year:  I spent it in the hospital!  The day before, I was out walking, trying to improve myself after my spinal surgery, and some black ice found me in the cemetery where I was walking. I decided I’d better get up before someone threw dirt on me.  I walked home, about ten blocks away. The next day I thought maybe I should call the doctor.  He sent me to Urgent Care.  He later called me after looking at the x-rays and said, “I’ve got good news and bad news.”  The good news is that you haven’t done much to your lungs; the bad news is that you are going straight to the ER.  So I spent three or four days in the hospital. They told me that I needed to keep walking, but couldn’t walk without someone helping me.  With no one to help, I didn’t walk much.  That was a unique New Year’s experience, to say the least.  So that’s what’s new for me.  I picked up on Lee’s and Linda’s ideas. I’m going to be moving into a new condo soon, and I’ve been working with contractors for some work that it needs. I’m a real saver.  Several of you have moved into smaller places recently, so maybe you can give me some advice.

Janice Collins Bailey left the meeting room before Fred could call on her for her New Year’s thoughts. She may need a technology goal similar to Linda’s.

 

Discussions:  These mainly revolved around downsizing, with suggestions from many of us. 

Skip reported that they had gone from a 5000 square foot residence to 2500 and followed their kid’s advice to give away many possessions.  “We sold our homes and winery.  We ended up trying to buy a house in seven days at Christmas. Getting a mortgage was tricky.”

Linda would like the book Marilyn noted about plans for what should happen to one’s “stuff” after one’s death. 

Marilyn: The book Glenna recommended is I’m Dead, What Now? End of Life Planner. It is available from Amazon. 

Skip has a friend who went through his wine cellar, which contained 1500 bottles. The friend took 800 bottles, which he periodically ships to Skip three cases at a time.

Perry Ann recommended for downsizing to start with the smallest room.  Separate contents into three categories:  keep it, donate it, and maybe I’ll keep it.  Organize the first room on that basis, then go to the next room. 

Fred commented he would have a huge “maybe” pile. 

Glenna’s alternative is not to do anything. Her kids have said that they will come in with flame throwers.  Last year, Glenna wrote a website story about her decision not to downsize. “Retirement? Downsizing? Not for Me.” 

Tom commented that the hardest thing for him to get rid of was books.  “We had thousands, and we made a deal with the AAUW and they came and picked them up;  it was nice to know they were going somewhere to be used and they wouldn’t be thrown away.” 

Perry Ann added that when her husband, who was a painter, died, she invited friends and family and placed all his paintings around the deck.  When anyone who came saw one they wanted, Perry Ann would take a picture of the person holding that painting.  She set out a large cowboy boot, and anyone who took a painting donated money in the cowboy boot.  It meant a lot to her to do that and when she passes away, she wants her friends to come to her house and take what they want.  Lots of friends have already told her what they want.

Diane commented that she has so many things that belonged to her paternal grandmother that she made a photo album of them. “When our kids go through our stuff, they will have an idea of what things to be mindful of.” 

Skip gave a lot of things to his church, stipulating that a lady should come to select things, specifically the good china, to take to the church sale.  But they left all the good china and took all the cheap pottery instead. 

Tom asked Diane if he could follow up on what she was saying about interacting with people working in stores where she shops.  He is also focusing on people who are really pleasant.  “I comment on how nice it is to see persons who truly enjoy their job.  When they find their jobs to be pleasant,  they brighten so many other people’s days.  It’s been a nice thing to do. Commenting on things you have written that you want to give your children, you might want to make audio or video recordings.  Hearing the person’s voice puts a whole different aspect on things.  Also, look at all the pictures in which  you are the last person who knows who all the persons in the picture are and identify them.  It’s so frustrating when you look at those photos.” Diane agreed.

Skip agreed about being pleasant to workers we encounter.  “A carpet cleaner at my home came by my desk, and I asked him what his name was and we started talking.  He said he had another thing he wanted to show me.  He said he would come back and do some other things and give me a 25% discount.  You just wonder if I hadn’t talked to him if he would have made that offer.”

Glenna said that when her three sons left home, they didn’t take many of their own belongings. When she could not get them to collect the their relics of childhood, she figured out a way to make it happen. She wrapped items like a ??? skull in beautiful, elaborate paper and ribbons and sent them as Christmas presents. Her sons were delighted and thoroughly enjoyed telling their own children about the special things Grandma sent.

Perry Ann said when she packs a box, she takes a big sheet of paper with the date and contents listed, and stores it away.  “If any of the contents has a story or history, I note that on the piece of paper.”

Glenna:  “After returning from South Korea, we rented a warehouse to move our stuff into.  We had over 500 boxes and I hadn’t labeled anything.  I bought a huge amount of bubble wrap and when I unpacked until couldn’t take it any more, I stomped around on the bubble wrap for awhile.”

 Skip mentioned that he sent the daughters of his sister Brenda, who was killed in an airplane crash over Aspen on her 40th birthday, a box of her scrapbooks and other possessions, including a quilt from her grandmother, to Hawaii so the daughters could have those.  Skip also mentioned that he had experienced a brain injury about 18 months ago.

Tom commented that Skip might appreciate the first talk he gave on brain injury.  It was “Mild Brain Injury – A  Course in Patience and Humility.” Then, in parentheses it actually said, ” Tom is a slow learner but reality is a persistent teacher.” 

Marilyn: “As Lee commented, every day we have to rethink and recalibrate.  Hazards, like black ice, can hit any of us any day any moment. Each day is a gift.”

Linda:  “Every day is a blessing.  I say we are in our patching period.  Every day we have to figure out what we are going to patch today.” 

Tom asked, “Does that mean we’re making a quilt?”

Glenna:  “One of the reasons I sent a copy of a Picasso painting to Marilyn, Diane and Fred as an avatar for me on the website.  I consider that the Cubist period where Picasso took a figure apart and put it back together in an unusual arrangement was a perfect portrait of what you look like after going through a series of illnesses and surgeries.  You string yourself together however you can. Sort of like piecing on a quilt.” 

Lee: “Diane’s comment about hosting middle-schoolers for New Year’s Eve brought back memories of one of the first New Year’s Eve parties I attended, which was hosted by Jim Davidson.  What made it memorable was that the night was so warm we spent most of it out in the front yard.  And I later reflected that was probably one of the best New Year’s Eve I ever experienced.  There weren’t a lot of sad things to reflect on.”

Glenna wondered if that party was in the 9th grade.  “I remember I was Jim’s date and he was really the first date I ever had.  He picked me up and walked me to the car. His dad was sitting in the middle of the front seat.  I thought, I can go with this.  At the party everyone was talking about midnight and kissing, and I thought Holy S___ I’m not ready for this.  So when the lights went out, I got under a table.  While I was under there, I saw Janet Thelman there also.  We both celebrated under the table for Central Standard Time. Jim was on Mountain Time, so I went back under the table.”

Fred summarized the session’s topics and wished us all a Happy New Year. Participants thanked Fred, Diane, and Marilyn for continuing the Zoom sessions, which they greatly enjoy.

Perry Ann, “Have a great tomorrow!”

Next Zoom will be February 16, 2023, at 2:00 p.m., Wichita time.