Zooming with the Aces #28, May 16, 2024: Important Relatives in Our Lives

Zoomers, May 16, 2024

Row 1: Dan Tontz, Dallas; Fred Elder, Madison, WI; Glenna Stearman Park, Montgomery Park, MD

Row 2: Tom Tatlock, Appleton, WI; Skip Granger, Phoenix, AZ; Lee Ayres, Fresno, CA

Row 3: Rich Hayse, Topeka, KS; Marilyn Tompkins Bellert, Sycamore, IL

What follow is a summary, not a transcript, of our Zoom discussion. If your comments need to be revised, let Marilyn know (mbellert@niu.edu). 

Host Fred Elder welcomed a small but very engaged group of 1960 Aces to talk about relatives in their extended families who turned out to be important in their lives – grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and others.  Some of us, especially only children whose parents were only children, had small families. Others had cousins by the dozens, literally. All of us learned about people, about life, and about ourselves from our extended families.

Dan Tontz – My parents were only children. So, no aunts, uncles, or cousins. At the time, I did not know this was unusual. Now I realize that all four of my grandparents lived within two miles of my home. They attended all of my school events. They lived into their 70s and one into his 90s. I saw them all at least once a week.

My two grandpas were similar in some ways, but they were very distinctive. Neither attended high school, where they would have been part of the Class of 1908 or 1909. One left home in the 7^th grade, when he got crossways with his stepfather. Both were self-made men and very proud of their successes.

One of my great-grandmothers grew up in Pennsylvania. She remembered seeing Lincoln’s funeral train, which went through her town on its trip from Washington, DC to Springfield, IL in 1865.

Grandpa Tontz was a professional barber, the lead chair at the barber shop in the First National Bank. When I was growing up, he cut my hair in his basement. After the haircut, he would cook us a steak with plenty of onions, which I loved. Those were precious times together. I did have to pay him for the haircuts. He saved all the money I paid him, probably under his mattress, where it accumulated quite nicely. He gave it back to me when I left for college. Grandpa Tontz liked to say, “Get ’em up, Scout.” He owned a Plymouth Fury with big fins and big acceleration. He loved to say, “Get ’em up, Scout,” and hit the accelerator for a big rush of speed. Those were happy times.

Grandpa Briggs was a wheeler-dealer with 15 to 20 occupations. I would not have bought a used car from him.  He started his own furniture company and loved to see the trucks painted with Briggs Furniture driving around town. His big claim to fame was that he was one of the first people to have a TV in his house.  I watched Howdy Doody on that TV and had to deal with the frustrating rabbit ears antenna.  Grandpa  Briggs sponsored baseball games and could get front row seats for semi-pro games. During the Korean War a lot of professional ball players were drafted. While in the Armed Forces, they formed teams for a national semi-pro league.  I once watched Billy Martin steal home.  We saw many big-time baseball stars in those games.

One of my grandmothers lived to be 101.  They were both stay-at-home moms. They worked hard, but never got paid.

I feel very fortunate to have known them all so well.

Glenna Stearman Park – Unlike Dan, I came from a very big family. My mother had 11 siblings and my father had 8. At one point, I counted 37 first cousins. They were in every profession you could think of.  I remember holiday dinners at our house. Mom rented tables for more than 100 people and needed lots of help, usually from relatives, to prepare and serve dinner.  We always lived with relatives in our house. The first house that I remember had seven bedrooms, often with relatives in them. My grandmothers lived with us for many, many years and were an important part of our lives.

Editor’s Note: Glenna has included her grandmothers in several of her stories for this website. Here’s one: “Nightly Prayers.”  She also wrote about visiting her grandmother in Fort Dodge in a comment on Tom Vosper’s recent story, “Playing at K-State in the Summer.”

This tradition of living with people outside the immediate family continued for me. When I was teaching in the Memphis College of Art graduate program, I learned that two students, a Chinese couple, were sleeping on the floor in a classroom, because they couldn’t afford their apartment after their co-tenant moved out. I lived in one of those Sears-Roebuck catalogue houses which had more bedrooms than we needed. I invited the Chinese couple to move in and persuaded another student to convince them that I wasn’t dangerous. They moved in. They were very shy, but insisted on doing the cooking. I gave them the grocery money and turned over the kitchen, which got us wonderful Chinese dinners for the spring and summer semesters. We became very good friends.

I had spent  five weeks in China and had questions for them. For instance,  why do they give you such small towels for a bath? The towels are about the same size as those we use in the kitchen. My Chinese guest answered, “That’s what we all use.” I said, “Did you notice that I gave you a very big towel?” He said, “Yes, I didn’t know what to do with it.” Living with this Chinese couple off and on over a three-year period was quite informative and enjoyable. I often brought home other students and friends who lived with us.

Tom Tatlock – I grew up with extended family in Wichita. My great-aunts and grandmothers lived in apartments. I remember that their homes always seemed hot to me and wondered why they kept themselves so warm. Now that I’m older, I understand. My most influential relatives were an aunt and uncle who lived in Kansas City. They were the first grown-ups who treated me like an adult.  I lived with them for a while.

Like Dan, I remembers the semi-pro baseball games. The umpire could step on a thing that blew the dirt off home plate. I also remembers the military teams full of big stars. The conference included national semi-pro teams from all over the country and held a big tournament in Wichita. At that time, “active duty” could mean being on the ball diamond in Quantico. We had Sunday dinners with many family members. I wish I remembered the stories from those. One uncle was a dentist for Indian tribes who lived in primitive homes in Oklahoma.

Skip Granger – I wrote a story about my Uncle Ernie for the website. He was quite a guy! (“My Young Life with Great-Uncle Ernie“) . Uncle Ernie’s grandkids are coming to visit us for Memorial Day. My grandfather was also a self-made man. He grew up in small town in Missouri, so small that you could drive through it and not even notice there was a town, Rocky Comfort, Missouri. Today, I started writing about my father. That story is too personal for the website, but I’ll share it with individuals if you are interested. He was an amazing card player. Professionally, he was a department store manager; eventually, the manager of Innes Department Store in Wichita.

Lee Ayres – I just learned a family story from a cousin in Charleston, SC. Through 23 and Me, my cousin learned that he had relatives in the Charleston area. Our great-grandfather, John Player, lived in Charleston and then moved to Rochester NY, where he started a new family without benefit of divorce from his wife in Charleston.  My mother’s recollection was that he left Charleston because “there was no way of getting along with that woman.” A child from the first family, Herbert Ivan Player, was put on a train and sent to a relative in Kansas City. The relative, an uncle, was in the watch cleaning business. That was the trade that Herbert  learned. He did well through the Depression ad expanded into jewelry. He was my only relative who had any acumen in real estate. Unfortunately, he died before I was born.  He did well enough, however, that my grandmother lived comfortably. My other grandfather also died, but, growing up, I knew both my grandmothers.

Rich Hayse – I was an only child, as were my mom and grandpa. My father had five brothers and sisters who lived in southwestern Kansas. I saw them rarely and didn’t really know them when I was growing up. My maternal grandmother died when my mom was 18. Her husband then married a woman in Seneca, KS. They moved onto a hardscrabble farm north of Seneca. We went there for holidays. It was like camping out. The house had no running water or electricity. It was rudimentary at best. Eventually, they brought water into the house, and it became a bit more civilized. It was good to know that the well was clean and the water safe. On my father’s side, I had 13 first cousins. By now, however, I am the eldest of the group, which is scary.

Marilyn Tompkins Bellert – I was also fortunate to know my grandparents. My dad’s family was very large, and my mom’s was small, but I knew my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins on both sides, more than 40 of them.

My dad was one of 10 children and his father was one of 12. Most of the Tompkins were wheat farmers in Pratt County and St. John County, KS. Like many of your grandparents, my grandpa and grandma Tompkins left school before 9th grade. Grandpa Tompkins, however, was a math whiz and an early adopter of all kinds of innovations in their home and on the farm. My dad used to stage addition contests with Grandpa. While Dad used an adding machine to add up a page full of columns of numbers, Grandpa did the math in his head and wrote the total. Grandpa always won. He finished first and was always accurate, We kids loved it. During middle school and high school, I went out to the farm to help with the cooking during the wheat harvest. What a production to feed those harvest crews!

My maternal grandmother was much closer, since we went to her house every Sunday for dinner. She was the most positive, loving person ever. No matter what dumb thing we did, she loved us all unconditionally. When I was younger, I never thought about how she did it. In my 60s and 70’s, I started wondering how she kept her mouth shut when we were disappointing and always made us feel successful and loved. Harder than it sounds. I wondered what impact I might have on my grandchildren. Last weekend, I went to my grandson Nat’s graduation from Northern Illinois University. Having him here in college and watching him grow has been such a lot of fun. He majored in music (jazz), and we attended many dozens of his performances. Every graduate’s chair held a special “gratitude” coin that the university president encouraged them to give to the person whose belief in them was especially important to their graduating. Nat gave his coin to me. I was very surprised and deeply touched. Maybe I learned something from my grandmother.

Fred Elder – My most influential relative was an uncle. He lived on a big ranch 18 miles west of Eureka that was absolutely the middle of nowhere. Staying with him was always an adventure, including swimming naked in the pond and riding a horse in the rain to fix fences. One day, my uncle had gone somewhere, and my aunt asked whether I was going to harvest the oats or go off to do something else. I had never run the combine, although I often drove the tractor. Not surprising, as the grain still had dew on it, I overloaded the combine. I probably broke something. My uncle really got after me. During those summers, I learned a lot and grew up a lot. I was allowed to do crazy things by myself, which no one else would have allowed me to do. I greatly enjoyed my time out there. And I came back with an all-over tan.

Miscellaneous This and That

Skip – Mary Ann and I are taking our son Trey out to dinner to celebrate his purchase of acreage in North Carolina, where he is moving. She and I moved to Arizona seven years ago to be near him. Now, we really depend on him. This will be a big change for us.

Lee – North Carolina has some beautiful places to live. The Raleigh area is gorgeous.

Rich – Thinking about always cheerful people reminds me of Kathleen Sibelius. I practiced law with her husband for 14 years. Once I asked her how she could be so “up-up” all the time.  She replied that when she was growing up, no one ever told her no. That was an interesting way to raise children.

Dan – How many active addresses do we have for our classmates and how many emails?

Fred – About 450 addresses and 190 emails. We don’t know how many of those emails are actually used, but that’s how many don’t bounce back.

Glenna – Be well, Skip, One of the ways I made a decision about a heart procedure was to ask my cardiologist what he would allow for his own father.  He would not have allowed the procedure that was being recommended to me by another doctor. I follow a doctor’s treatment of his dad.

Tom – Thanks very much to Fred and Marilyn for managing the Zoom sessions and all your work on the website.

Skip –These sessions mean a lot to me. So much, that I rescheduled medical appointments to be here today.

Rich – I greatly admire you all for organizing these Zooms and maintaining the website. I feel as if I have more friendships with classmates now than I ever had in high school.

Fred – Note that the weather is now “springy” enough that Canada is burning. Tom and I have been seeing the smoke in the air in Wisconsin.

Join us for the next Zoom session on June 20 at 2 p.m., Wichita time.