Row 1, l to r: Tom Tatlock, Fred Elder, Skip Granger, Lee Ayres; Row 2, l to r: David Robinson, Kay Ellen Consolver, Diane Zinn, Dan Tontz; Row 3, l to r: Linda McKay, Glenna Park, Mert Curtis
Fred convened the Zoom, then left for an appointment and Tom took over. Following a short discussion of weather in each of our locations, we proceeded to the topic of the day.
Topic of the Day – Transitions
Skip Granger, Sun Valley, AZ – I’ve always loved travel. I think you know I’ve been around the world in my 20’s and have taken my family to Europe. We’ve traveled near and far and last weekend we had our 51st wedding anniversary celebration, so we went a long way away – 42 minutes – to the Wigwam Resort. I had worked hard to make everything perfect. We got there – everything was not perfect. We got up the next morning and Mary Ann said we should just go home. We had credits for dinner and other things, so we stayed in spite of the problems. The resort had a “come to Jesus” moment with me and they weren’t happy with me. We returned home and I called the Arizona Biltmore where I was planning to have my birthday June 30 and cancelled. I guess my transition is I’m not back in the saddle again but I’m off the horse.
David Robinson, Wichita KS – Like everyone, I’ve done many foolish things and wish I had changed some of them. My transition centers around Vietnam, where
I was when I was 22. I’m really sorry that I didn’t take the time to know the people and their way of life, even their food. We never ate Vietnamese food. If we went to a restaurant, it was one where the chef had been trained by the French and we did that type of food. I did get to know my interpreters and my boss had me teach a course in conversational English. I talked to some of the students and remember one thing that stands out. I had a watch that needed some repair, so I asked one of my interpreters if he could take it a good jewelry store and have them take care of it. He said no, no, no, they’ll take all the good stuff out of it. I said what kind of country is this that you can’t even have your watch repaired. He was very indignant. I thought afterwards that most of these people are just trying to survive. They are wonderful people, and the country is beautiful. I’ve gotten to know Vietnamese people here and they are wonderful. That’s what sticks out in my life and I continue to have a wonderful life. I’m looking forward to seeing all of you in September.
Lee Ayres, Fresno CA – We’ve all been faced with difficult decisions. When talking with Shelley in the evenings, I keep thinking of Florida and realize that I chose to leave Florida when I chose to advance in city management. At the time, I realized Florida was a place that I had become really attached to. I kept finding ways to go back there, to speak, sometimes to visit and even more when Shelley and I did our border tour and spent a lot of time in Florida. So, if I have an overall regret, it’s not spending more of my life in Florida. Although, as David just said, things have worked out just fine. Living in California changed the lives of my children dramatically – who they met, who they married, where they live. I won’t complain about that at all.
Kay Ellen Consolver, Litchfield CN – When I look at transitions, I look back at organized serendipity. Things would come along that I could take advantage of
and fulfill my mission of exploring things outside of Wichita, which has been an incredible experience with having a before. I wish we had had social media then because in my profession I’ve had a scattered group of friends, even being in touch with you all. I love theatre. I participated in high school, and have done some producing in Broadway as an avocation. All of us now are in our third acts. The previous two had things we were striving toward – either school or marriage or children. There’s always something there. Now for many of us there are things there but we have to rewrite the play. And since my husband died 2 1/2 years ago, I’ve had playwright block – what I can carry forward from the past and what new places where I am and what I can do. I’m working on that. One of the things is being in the International Women’s Forum that I can continue because it has chapters all over the US. You have to be invited to join, but you can move anywhere and if they have a chapter you don’t have to requalify to join. So I’m in transition by looking into what I can participate in and contribute before the final curtain comes down.
Dan Tontz, Dallas TX – Fred gave us some options about what a transition could be and I made a difficult choice – my 4 AM hurricane decision. Going back 30 years, 4th of July, my family would always get together to celebrate. Often, we did it in some southern state where it was hotter even than Dallas. So there we were on a beautiful beach in Destin, staying at a fancy hotel and having a great time. We heard reports that a hurricane might be coming nearby, so we talked about what we might do. Being from Kansas, we were familiar with tornadoes, but didn’t know how to prepare for a hurricane. So we went to bed, and I was awakened by a knock on the door around 3 AM. The person was inviting us to a meeting for the hotel guests. Some persons had their short-wave radios; apparently the threat was getting serious. The winds were getting fierce, so the big decision was whether to stay or to evacuate. Evacuating meant a long stream of cars forming to get out of there. On the other hand, staying could be dangerous. We didn’t have much time to decide, and some were already heading for their cars. I wasn’t too keen about leaving because the car stream would already be long. I decided we should stay, so I woke the others up. The best protection was in the hotel restaurant, so we decided to bunch up there and ride it on out. The good news is that the hurricane direction changed a little bit and missed us. I employed my keen observation skills, targeted the bar and we served Bloody Mary’s to everyone and we celebrated our survivorship.
Diane Rusch Zinn, Lawrence KS – My transitions are totally different. My first was when Dick and I got married and I had to drop out of Stanford to support
us. School had been my life until then. So, I had to transition to being a wife, a bread-earner, and before long a mother. That was huge for me, but fortunately Dick, with three younger siblings, was a big help. My second transition came after all four of our children left home and we faced the empty nest syndrome. I, unlike many parents, welcomed that transition because we had been parenting for thirty-two consecutive years because of the spread in our children’s ages. And, as some of you may have guessed, my third transition is living without Dick after almost 62 years of being married. I’m still adapting to that, but managing pretty well I think.
Linda Soderberg McKay, St. Louis MO – My biggest transition was when I decided I was going to make myself move. As you are coming out of college, getting married, having children, you have to find a place for your kids to go to school, or if your husband is transferred, you have to find a new place to live, find a house, find a church, at least for us. You had a transition, but you knew what it was going to be. Now, though, it us just me. I spent a year looking at independent living and finally decided that wasn’t me. I decided to go the condo route so if something needed fixed, I didn’t have to take care of it. I put a bid in yesterday on a condo, and have no idea if I will get it. But just to know I went ahead and made the decision. I know I’m on my way to a big transition. Moving is probably the last thing I want to do right now. Then, I thought if I do get it, I may have to renovate it, and I’m excited about that. It is in St. Louis, and none of my children live here. (Skip enquired if she had an HOA, and Linda does. Skip indicated what a help that is.) I had lived in an apartment in Washington DC and here in my condo, I’m on the association board. Making everybody happy is a challenge. I should hear tomorrow night if I get it, so everybody cross their fingers.
Glenna Stearman Park, Montgomery Park MD – Thinking about transitions, the most devastating one I ever had was when we left La Jolla CA where we had
lived for seven years. Joel couldn’t get a job in California and Jimmy Carter was closing down national labs, so Joel had to go with a corporation in Dallas. We left at Christmas time, and our boys got to see snow for the first time when we stopped at a park in Arizona to let them play for awhile. I made a cartoon about going back to Kansas. I was dragging in the dirt to keep that car from moving. When we got to Texas, we made a terrible choice of a place to live. Grand Prairie was where LTD Corporation was. We rented a house and two days later we were freaking out. Grand Prairie was the home of the national KKK leader and the library had a huge display of the Klan materials. Everyone cried, and we got out of there as fast as we could and moved to a part of Dallas down by Duncanville. It was close enough for Joel to drive to LTD. I checked out everything that I could, but it was mostly Joel’s effort.
Still hunting, we went to Appleton WI for a weekend visit to Lawrence University. Someone took me around the campus and another took me house hunting. He confided that the person Joel would be working with was somewhat difficult. The town and homes were beautiful; this was around 1969. We went to dinner at the man’s house and during the kitchen chit-chat the husband commented that no one should take more than 1-2 years to get a PhD. Joel had just taken seven years. I looked at the guy and asked what cracker box did you get your degree from. I realized I had screwed that interview, but I decided just to have fun, and was vocal, but not rude, about anything they asked. When we returned to the motel, Joel commented that at least we had had a nice break. We returned to Dallas and I explained I just couldn’t help myself and would never do that again. The one thing I learned is that I couldn’t live in Appleton without a psychiatrist. I didn’t know Tom was there.
Mary (“Mert”) Lancaster Curtis, St. John, KS – My biggest transition was moving from Wichita to my farm in Stafford County. Going from the largest city in Kansas to St. John, population 1200, was huge. I was meeting people who didn’t ask about me, but asked about my husband. I had never been identified by a man, so that was new and just a different kind of life. I had worked for a CPA firm in Wichita, and I did go to work for one in St. John and then we went to Pratt, a larger town. It was just a totally different lifestyle. I did want to share that I went to a funeral on Saturday for Merle Lewis who was in our class at East. We had both attended Matthewson before East. He died from a tremendous fall, and I thought we are all at that age where we can fall. Merle always came to the Wichita lunch bunch meetings and was a great guy.
Tom Tatlock, Appleton, WI – My most significant transition was my wife Andrea’s illness. Learning to navigate without her, the super
visor in my life, and restructure my life. But another was in 1978 when we had a family trip planned to Africa. But Andrea was concerned about her allergies there, so we opted for a trip to China with our twins. This was a unique trip, a year before Tiananmen Square. I was amazed. I thought of Red China as this monolithic state. Our young tour guides were bilingual. I asked them what the beepers were on their belts and they replied they were entrepreneurs which was mind boggling to me. I wanted to go there because I had never learned much about China except for wars. China was never a part of the history I learned in school. The fallout from the trip was that our son Ward became fluent in Japanese and our other son became fluent in Chinese. Our trip was a stimulating experience that got them interested in the Far East. I struggle to speak “Wisconsin.” (Will you borrow me some money, and things like that.) I always thought of empty nest as the unchaperoned state. Didn’t have to watch your language.
Linda asked if any of us remembered Pearl Buck. Years ago I read Pavillion of Women, about this Chinese woman from a wealthy family who was ready for the unchaperoned stage, so she got a mistress for her husband. Her children were in a good place away from her home, but everyone kept coming back to her. I remember thinking my life would be different from that. My kids keep coming back, but it’s the right amount. We live non-linear lives when unexpected things happen and you adapt.
Final Words
Dan – I heard tornadoes hit Oklahoma. They get more than their share of bad weather. Mert said her area had been hit by hard storms, and Linda recounted the tornado that hit St. Louis recently with a 23-mile path.
Skip – I just purchased a choking device for persons with Parkinson’s to use in case they are choking on something. When a friend of mine died in a restaurant after choking on a piece of steak, I realized the value of this device.
Tom described a book, The Gift of Years, to recommend about growing old gracefully. I think it’s a nice book for us.
David – My dog needs some outdoor relief, and I hope to see you all in September.
Lee – Tom, your remark about your wife and shifting gears reminds me. Shelley began to have several serious medical issues and it triggered my usual response of looking ahead, reviewing scenarios. Recently, I just put all that on pause and decided to live in the present. Not that that was profound as it would have been the obvious choice if I’d thought about it at the time. That has allowed me to have a measure of focus with where I am.
Kay Ellen – I guess that one of the reasons I would say that my third act still has some blank pages, partly because I was so busy with my husband at the end of the second act. Perhaps I didn’t stay as present as I could have. I stepped out of everything I was doing. I had always been actively engaged. He supported that and it was one of the anchors that kept us together. The second act ends and there’s no one on the stage. Now I have a leading role and I didn’t even have to audition.
Diane – We are finally getting our act together and getting everything ready to send out the registration for the reunion. We hope to mail them by July 1, so look for them in your mail and please encourage your friends to attend. We want as many people there as possible.
Glenna – My husband says we are definitely going, but I’ve been pussy-footing about it. I’m not really excited about flying when we have such traffic controller issues at Reagan airport. Since airplanes have always been a part of my life, I feel kind of like a traitor.
Skip wanted to know if we were planning on a Zoom session at the reunion to involve those who can’t attend. Diane said hopefully, but no one has volunteered to take care of that.
Linda – I’m looking forward to September and have offered to help.
Mert – I went to the Drury Broadview and made my reservation even though the rooms that had been set aside for us had all been taken.
Tom – I made a reservation two days ago, and was told rooms were still available.
Skip – I gave my room to Danny Kinney as a thank you for taking over my class office at East after I got into trouble.
Join us for Zoom #40 on July 17 at 2:00 p.m.
